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How to not take on Undelegated Responsibility

Dec 17, 2021 | Boundaries, Work-Life Balance

A blog about Boundaries and how not to take up undelegated responsibility…

The title of this blog, “How NOT to take up undelegated responsibility?” forms part of a SERIES ON BOUNDARIES with the following Index:

 

A blog about Boundaries and how to not take up undelegated responsibility…

Some personality types (like mine) simply love taking on a challenge and taking on responsibility. It comes naturally, especially for leaders. Taking responsibility is a good virtue and it is celebrated in every sphere of life. Holding this in good esteem, I may burst your bubble: There is a dark side to ‘taking on responsibility’ that needs to be addressed when dealing with burnout and boundaries.

Taking-on undelegated responsibility

When you take on responsibility (‘ownership’ of something) it is wise to clarify what is “your job” (your responsibility) and what is not. Taking on responsibilities and piling up undelegated responsibilities on your shoulders; (responsibilities that is not yours), will lead to burnout. This is true for your professional career (your job description), even if you are an entrepreneur.

When you look at your life, you are responsible for YOUR body, soul, and spirit. You cannot live without the Holy Spirit; you need to remain in God’s presence. You are therefore responsible for your relationship with God. You are also responsible for taking care of your emotions and body. You are ALSO responsible for the commitments you made. For example, if you made a commitment before God to marry, you have a responsibility towards your spouse (e.g. to love, serve, cherish, respect, and provide) and if you choose to have children, you have a responsibility towards them to love, protect, care and train them up in God’s ways.

Your primary responsibilities are therefore:

  • Your relationship with God (& being continually filled with His Spirit)
  • Your household (spouse/marriage and kids)
  • Yourself (Taking care of your body & soul)

These 3 areas are like thin-glass balls you juggle; you cannot afford to drop them. Your business; career; ministry; friends; DIY projects, family; hobbies, long admin-to-do-list and any other responsibilities are like rubber balls. If you let them fall; they will most probably bounce back; but if you neglect your glass-balls (Your relationship with God; your household & yourself) – life will take stressful & painful turns you want to avoid at all cost.

You are also not responsible for other people’s problems and emotions. People with a mercy gift struggle with this a lot. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that you have a role to play as a “Fixer”. YOU cannot fix; change or heal people. You cannot make and force people to execute the things they need to do to avoid tragedy. Every person must take responsibility for his/her own walk-in life.

Many people who are in a supporting role, struggles with (what I call) a “Mother Theresa Syndrome”. Please do not get me wrong; I do not mean this in a disrespectful way. Jesus is the answer to people’s problems; we are not. God may choose you as a humble vessel to be His hands, feet, heart, and mouth, but it is ultimately He that does the healing and deliverance and change; it’s not your responsibility. At the end of your life, you are going to stand before God and give an account of YOUR life; not Mary’s or Johnny’s or your Dads’…

Almost all people are in some kind of caretaker role (whether that is your employees; spouse; children; parents; your team in your department at work, etc.). Each role is different and for this reason, you need to ask yourself, what the boundaries are of YOUR responsibilities and what the boundaries are of THEIR responsibilities. If you take on your teen’s responsibilities (for instance), you disable them to learn to take responsibility for themselves and to learn new skills.

Children coming from divorced homes, many times take on the responsibilities of the missing parent. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. Living with my mother at that time, I took upon myself the role as the missing husband. I became the shoulder of many tears; the counselor and comforter. I was the last one going to bed at night, making sure all the doors in the house were locked. I took it upon myself to protect and even to partially provide later on. No one gave me that responsibility; I took it upon myself. Did it do me good? No, not at all. I “grew up” too early; not fully enjoying the benefits of just being a kid in a safe environment. This pattern triggered many other areas in my life where I took on responsibilities that were not mine, that lead to stress and burnout. I had to learn the hard way of setting boundaries, taking on rightful responsibilities, delegating effectively and taking care of myself.

What about the command in Scripture (Galatians 6) that says we need to “carry each other’s burdens” which almost sounds like contradicting everything I have said in this blog so far? Looking at this one verse out of context is dangerous. Let’s look at the Scripture before and after this verse:

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any sin, you who are spiritual [that is, you who are responsive to the guidance of the Spirit] are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness [not with a sense of superiority or self-righteousness], keeping a watchful eye on yourself, so that you are not tempted as well. Carry one another’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ [that is, the law of Christian love]. For if anyone thinks he is something [special] when [in fact] he is nothing [special except in his own eyes], he deceives himself. But each one must carefully scrutinize his own work [examining his actions, attitudes, and behavior], and then he can have the personal satisfaction and inner joy of doing something commendable without comparing himself to another. For every person will have to bear [with patience] his own burden [of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible].” (Galatians 6:1-5 AMP)

Some of the verses sounds contradicting. Let’s look at this in another translations:

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For each one shall bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:2,5 NKJV)

  • The word for ‘burden’ in verse 2 and 5 is two different Greek words. In verse 2 Paul urges sympathy. In verse 5, he refers to taking responsibility for ourselves.
  • The word ‘carry’ in verse two is translated as “to bear a burden”; to “endure” – out of love for those we take care off. (See one chapter earlier: Galatians 5:14)
  • The context of this Scripture has to do with the burden (and weight) of sin as well as the burden of temptations. God is encouraging us to have patience (and sympathy) and to help restore in love.
  • The context is carrying a burden with someone; not for someone. That is why verse 5 says, each person shall bear his own load/ burden; in other words his own responsibility. Help; Carry; Bear and Endure (out of Christ-like love) is a given and command, but the help and support we give to those who sin and to those who has a lot of burdens must always be done in a way that you do not take their responsibility away from them.

The moment we take on other people’s responsibility, we become their “rescuer”; “their savior”. We place ourselves at the center of God and people look to us and not to God for help; healing; provision and deliverance. Our love and support must always point to Scripture and to Jesus. The best way to set a healthy boundary is to empower someone to solve their own problems and the best way to encourage them how to do that is to help them find their refuge in God.

Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). We therefore have to love OURSELVES (taking care of ourselves) AND love our neighbor to the same extent. Yes, we must support others; cry with them; pray for and with them; offer practical help (as seen in Acts 2); encourage and lift other’s arms up in times when they are weak, but not at the cost of ourselves and our own relationships and our own primary responsibilities. Example: A congregational pastor’s primary role and responsibility is towards his wife and kids and secondary towards this congregation.

Being at the one tip of the scale, loving and caring (only) for yourself and your needs and setting boundaries in a way that ‘cuts’ people out of your life is simply put, narcissistic. Being at the other tip of the scale; to have no boundaries ‘in the name of love’; piling up your own burdens and others’ responsibilities on your shoulders; exhausting yourself to the point of burnout, is not good either. Where are you on this scale?

📞 Do you need help with BOUNDARIES? Have you ever considered Life-Coaching? Many of our coaching clients who embarked on this journey, describe it as LIFE-CHANING! If you want to find out more SCHEDULE A 20-MIN FREE ZOOM Discovery Call with us today…

Discover more ABOUT BOUNDARIES – We recommend to read the following Blogs in sequence: 

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